Wednesday, April 25, 2012

F, Marry, Kill - Summer movies

This is HILARIOUS to me. Vulture is playing F/M/K with summer films. Let's play, shall we?

The Superheroes: Amazing Spider-Man, Avengers, Dark Knight Rises. F Spiderman. I mean, that costume. (!) I'm far more worried about Dark Knight than the Avengers (Loki v. Iron Man! Yay!). That said, I really love the first two batman movies - so there's your long term commitment. Thus, Marry Dark Knight (that's healthy), Kill the Avengers. That's for Iron Man 2. And recasting Edward Norton. Sorry, Joss.

Aliens: Battleship, Neighborhood Watch, Prometheus. Kill Battleship. Obviously. Marry Prometheus, because I could not be more excited for that cast. Which leaves us with F Neighborhood Watch. That works. Yay Richard Ayoade!

Quasi-reboots: GI Joe, Total Recall, Bourne Legacy. Kill GI Joe, because come-on. Between Colin Farrell and Jeremy Renner, I think Colin Farrell is the more tested leading man, although the effects-heavy world could go awry. Still, Marry Total Recall, F Bourne. Although, given that it is Colin Farrell, it should probably be the other way around....

Indie Rom-coms: Lola Versus, Safety Not Guaranteed, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Kill Lola Versus, because "girl getting over a failed engagement" does not do it for me. F Safety Not Guaranteed, because I like Aubrey Plaza and the funny internet bit it is based on, but I'm wary of Mark Duplass (mumblecore not being my thing). Which leaves us with Marry Seeking...., which, considering Patton Oswalt is involved, seems about right.

Big Budget Adventure: Dark Shadows, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, Snow White and the Huntsman. Hmmm... I love Charlize Theron playing a bitch, and the visuals look STUNNING for Snow White. However, I don't like Kristen Stewart, so kill that one. Abraham Lincoln has a cast (Benjamin Walker, Anthony Mackie, Dominic Cooper, Alan Tudyk, Rufus Sewell, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead), a director (Timur Bekmambetov - Wanted, Night Watch) and a producer (Tim Burton) that I love. Dark Shadows is Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, with the added bonus of Eva Green playing a witch. Marry Dark Shadows, F Abraham. Yeah, that sounds wrong.

There are a few more over at Vulture. Have fun!

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