Saturday, January 12, 2013

The JWD awards

Like last year, and the one before, I imagine what it would be like to control the Oscars. As puppet master. (Dance, Bret McKenzie, Dance!)

So! Nominations and bonus categories:

Best Film:
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Cloud Atlas
Django Unchained
Killing Them Softly
Liberal Arts
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Silver Linings Playbook
Zero Dark Thirty

Best Popcorn Film/Genre flick
The Avengers
Cabin in the Woods
Frank and Robot
The Hunger Games
Pitch Perfect
Seven Psychopaths

Best Actress:
Jennifer Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook
Rachel Weisz - The Deep Blue Sea
Quvenzhane Wallis - Beasts of the Southern Wild
Emma Watson - The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Hani Furstenberg - The Loneliest Planet
Fenessa Pineda - Mosquita y Mari
Jessica Chastain - Zero Dark Thirty

Notable omissions: Melanie Lynskey - Hello I Must Be Going, Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Smashed,  Emayatzy Corinealdi - Middle of Nowhere, Linda Cardellini - Return

Best Actress in a Supporting Role:
Anne Hathaway - Les Mis
Jacki Weaver - Silver Linings Playbook
Samantha Barks - Les Mis
Emily Blunt - Looper
Brit Marling - Sound of My Voice

Notable omissions: Carmen Ejogo - Sparkle,  Amy Adams - The Master, Ann Dowd - Compliance, Nicole Kidman - The Paperboy

Best Actor:
Daniel Day-Lewis - Lincoln
Bradley Cooper - Silver Linings Playbook
John Hawkes - The Sessions
Logan Lerman - The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Frank Langella - Robot + Frank
Brad Pitt - Killing Them Softly

Notable omissions: Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena - End of Watch, Joaquin Phoenix - The Master, Denis Lavant - Holy Motors

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
Christoph Waltz - Django Unchained
Ezra Miller - The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Dwight Henry - Beasts of the Southern Wild
Robert DeNiro - Silver Linings Playbook
Leonardo DiCaprio - Django Unchained
John Goodman - Argo
Sam Rockwell - Seven Psychopaths

Notable omissions: David Oyelowo - Middle of Nowhere, Philip Seymour Hoffman - The Master,

Best Ensemble:
Moonrise Kingdom
Seven Psychopaths
Silver Linings Playbook
Safety Not Guaranteed

Notable omissions: Your Sister's Sister, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Starlet, Bernie

Best Director:
Ben Affleck - Argo
Benh Zeitlin - Beasts of the Southern Wild
David O. Russell - Silver Linings Playbook
Steven Spielberg - Lincoln
Andrea Arnold - Wuthering Heights
Rian Johnson - Looper

Notable omissions: Michael Haneke - Amour, Paul Thomas Anderson - The Master,

Best Cinematography:
Wuthering Heights
Cloud Atlas
The Loneliest Planet
Valley of Saints
Moonrise Kingdom
Beasts of the Southern Wild

Notable omissions: Anna Karenina, Samsara, On the Road, End of Watch, The Master, Here

Best Screenplay (original/adapted):
Django Unchained (original)
Moonrise Kingdom (original)
Seven Psychopaths (original)
Looper (original)
Cabin in the Woods (original)
Lincoln (adapted)
The Perks of Being a Wallflower (adapted)
Argo (adapted)
Silver Linings Playbook (adapted)
Cloud Atlas (adapted)
Killing Them Softly (adapted)

Notable omissions: The Master

Best Visual Effects:
Cloud Atlas
The Hobbit
The Avengers
John Carter

Notable omissions: Snow White and the Huntsman, Life of Pi

Best Costumes:
The Queen
The Queen
King Schultz

Notable omissions: Farewell My Queen

Best Makeup:
Cloud Atlas
The Hobbit

Best Art/Production Design:
Moonrise Kingdom
Cloud Atlas
Django Unchained
The Hobbit

Notable omissions: Life of Pi, Anna Karenina

Best Editing:
Killing Them Softly
Cloud Atlas
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Moonrise Kingdom
Zero Dark Thirty

Notable omissions: The Master

Best Song:
The Riff Off - Pitch Perfect
The Bellas' Finale - Pitch Perfect
Breath of Life - Florence + The Machine - Snow White and the Huntsman
Fire in the Blood - The Bootleggers ft. Emmylou Harris & Nick Cave - Lawless
Abraham's Daughter - Arcade Fire - Hunger Games
Everybody Needs a Best Friend - Norah Jones - Ted
Dull Tool - Fiona Apple - This is 40
Ancora Qui - Ennio Morricone and Elisa Toffoli - Django Unchained
Freedom - Anthony Hamilton & Elayna Boynton - Django Unchained
Song of the Lonely Mountain - Neil Finn - The Hobbit
I Dreamed a Dream - Anne Hathaway - Les Mis
Molly Malone - The Deep Blue Sea

Notable omission: Holy Motors

Best Score:
Moonrise Kingdom
Cloud Atlas
Silver Linings Playbook
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Pitch  Perfect

Notable omissions: Anna Karenina, The Master, Life of Pi, On the Road, Frankenweenie

Best Sound Mixing and Editing:
Killing Them Softly (NYTimes warning)
Les Mis
The Avengers
Zero Dark Thirty

Best Foreign-but-not-British Film:
I know I included it on last year's list, but Once Upon A Time in Anatolia. Fantastic.
Where Do We Go Now?
Valley of Saints

Notable omissions: Amour, Kon-Tiki, No, A Royal Affair, War Witch, Barbara, Lore Elena, Holy Motors, Blancanieves, Oslo August 31, Meanwhile in Mamelodi

Best Documentary: The American Scream

Notable omissions: Pretty much everything else aside from Chasing Ice (pretty good) and Diana Vreeland (horrible).

Best Animated: Ummm.... I need to see Frankenweenie and ParaNorman. Whoops.

Notable omissions: .... all of them?

Best Female Action Star:
Jennifer Lawrence - Hunger Games
Anne Hathaway - Dark Knight Rises
Emily Blunt - Looper
Lynn Collins - John Carter
Naomie Harris - Skyfall (yikes what a stretch!)

Egads. Not such a good year. Even Zoe Bell didn't get a moment in Django. At least there's tv?

Notable omissions: Gina Carano - Haywire, Brave

Best Breakthrough Performance:
Quevenzhane Wallis - Beasts of the Southern Wild
Samantha Barks - Les Mis
Aaron Tveit - Les Mis

Notable omissions: Emayatzy Corinealdi - Middle of Nowhere, Tom Holland - The Impossible, Thure Lindhardt - Keep the Lights On, Ann Dowd - Compliance, Alicia Vikander - Anna Karenina  

Movie You Wanted To Love But Just Couldn't:
Les Mis
The Amazing Spiderman
The Loneliest Planet
Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter
The Dark Knight Rises

Best Dance:
The Thiller Haka from the credits of Boy
Silver Linings Playbook (not online)
Perks of Being a Wallflower
Cabin in the Woods
the Popcorn scene in Alps (not online)
Magic Mike

Best Villain:
Daniel Henshall - Snowtown
Guy Pearce - Lawless
Tom Hiddleston - The Avengers
Stupidity - Prometheus
Hugo Weaving - Cloud Atlas

Best Quote:
It can still be a date if you order Raisin Bran - Silver Linings Playbook
Sometimes I think I can do crystal meth, but then I think mmm... better not. - Pitch Perfect
Puny God - The Avengers
Argo Fuck Yourself - Argo
I'm never gonna see a merman - Cabin in the Woods
Jiminy Cricket! He flew the coop! - Moonrise Kingdom
Fuck all you guys, my wife worked hard on these! - Django Unchained
America's not a country - it's a business. Now fucking pay me. - Killing Them Softly.
Fact is, the law says you cannot touch... but I think I see a lot of lawbreakers up in this house tonight. - Magic Mike
Mwufveivumh - Bane, Dark Knight Rises.

Best Opening to a Film:
Seven Psychopaths
John Dies at the End
Cabin in the Woods

Notable omissions: The Turin Horse, Bernie, Holy Motors, Haywire

Best Ending (retitled in 2012 as the McKayla Maroney award):
Looper - spoiler: JGL shoots himself
Cabin in the Woods - spoiler: the world ends
Skyfall - the players fall into place
Perks of Being a Wallflower - the tunnel
Killing Them Softly - Brad Pitt's monologue
Seven Psychopaths - as the credits roll
The Avengers - schwarma

Film I haven't gotten to that I am most looking forward to:
End of Watch
The Hunter

Most Confused Politics: The Dark Knight Rises

Creepiest Off Screen Violence: Paul Dano, Looper

The "Adaptation" Award (tie): Argo - the runway and Seven Psychopaths - the cemetery

Best Argument for a Woman's Right to Choose: Prometheus

Best Scene in an Otherwise Not Great Film: The riddle contest in The Hobbit

Worst imitation of Moriarty: Javier Bardem, Skyfall (not to mention...)

Best pet: Woola, John Carter

Best Rabbit: Tom Waits', Seven Psychopaths

Actor Having the Most Fun While Earning a Paycheck: Guy Pearce, Lockout

Best Moment of Panic: Katniss in the tube, Hunger Games

Best priest: William H. Macy, The Sessions

Worst CGI: The stampede, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Most in Need of Diction Lessons: Tom Hardy, Lawless and Dark Knight Rises

Worst Marketing Campaign: John Carter

Best Marketing Campaign: Looper

Best Angry Molesting Tree: Cabin in the Woods

Best Ode to Being Obsessed with a Film: Michael Fassbender, Prometheus

Best Kiss: Amazing Spiderman

Most Nerve Wracking Sequence: The robbery - Killing Them Softly

Best Unexpected Scotsman: Jim Sturgess, Cloud Atlas

Worst Use of a Sewer/Latrine: Les Mis (how does Marius not die of massive infections?)

Best Use of a Sewer/Latrine: Headhunters

Best Midnight Opening: The Hunger Games. The costumes. The facial hair. 

Best Throwback: Bond's Aston Martin

Best Prop: Marty's bong, Cabin in the Woods

Best Insect: The moor beetle, Wuthering Heights

Worst Insect: The mystical butterflies of Les Mis

Best Use of Sparklers: Beasts of the Southern Wild

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